I have always been a shy person and I think that it will never change even though I am working on that.
It has always been a burden for me to do speeches in groups or to sing in public.
This said, I am really relieved to know that I am not the only one.
What is the definition of Shyness?
Even scientists find it difficult to agree on a definition of Shyness!
Is it a behavior disorder or personality trait?
According to Wikipedia,
« Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is around other people. This commonly occurs in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness can be a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. Stronger forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia. The primary defining characteristic of shyness is a largely ego-driven fear of what other people will think of a person's behavior. This results in a person becoming scared of doing or saying what they want to out of fear of negative reactions, being laughed at, humiliated or patronized, criticism or rejection. A shy person may simply opt to avoid social situations instead. »
What is the percentage of shy people in the world ?
Survey results vary, but conclude that somewhere between 40 and 60 percent of all adults report being shy, or identify more as someone who is shy. Shyness can be a component of being introvert, but not all shy people are introverts.
GOOD QUALITIES OF BEING AN INTROVERT OR SHY PERSON:
Calm/Quiet Temperament
Creative
Thoughtful
Conscientious/Prepare
Good Listeners
Prioritizers
Can Focus well
Cooperative
CHALLENGES OF BEING AN INTROVERT OR SHY PERSON
Many people struggle with shyness and feelings of social anxiety. This can affect their daily lives in the form of avoidance of certain activities, excuses, or even argumentative behavior. As a result, they experience negative feelings and thoughts and judge themselves harshly, which affects their self-confidence, sense of identity and self-esteem. If you feel like your introversion or shy behaviors are getting in the way of your relationships, work or career I would urge you to consider coaching. In coaching, we help you figure out what is going on for you so you can begin to use proven strategies and tools to get back to your true self, one free of harsh judgment, and negative thoughts and beliefs that hold you back. What follows is a brief description of each concept so you can begin to make sense of what you might be experiencing.
Is this a behavioral disorder?
For my part, I have chosen to give you the definition of the authors Christophe André and Patrick Légeron in their book “The fear of others: stage fright, shyness, and social phobia” (Edition Odile Jacob Poche).
They define shyness as follows: Shyness is “a particular type of social anxiety, expressing a long-lasting and habitual way of being, marked by a pronounced tendency, in new situations, to stand back and avoid taking the initiative, despite a relative desire to interact with those around them.
Shyness refers to the dual existence of inner unease, and outer awkwardness in the presence of others. It does not, however, exclude capacities to adapt that are much more developed than in pathological forms of social anxiety ".
This article describes the benefits of life coaching for shy people.
Life coaching is an individual method of support based on listening, reformulating, reframing. It helps people solve problems, achieve goals, in their private and professional life.
Shyness is "a lasting and habitual way of being ...":
In one-on-one coaching sessions, or personal development training, we ask our clients to describe the situations in which they are most often, or most intensely, intimidated. From what they describe (their present state), we assess what is deeply rooted in the past, and which may need to be treated by a therapist. Coaching will not answer the question, "Why am I shy?" ". Coaching will answer the question: “How can I be less shy? "To do this, we point out with our clients their" bad habits "(which may consist in avoiding certain situations for example), and try to support them towards a lasting change of habit. We also know how to highlight the positive aspects of shyness, and update the resources available to our customers without knowing it.
2. Shyness is marked by a pronounced tendency, in new situations, to stand back:
Coaching sessions allow fears to "unfold" to their climax. Take for example this conversation with one of my clients who wanted to change profession at 40:
The coach: "How could you find out more about this new profession? "
The client: "I don't know"
The coach: “What if you knew, what would you say? "
Client: "…… maybe I should talk to someone in this profession… yes, that would help. But I will never dare! "
The coach: “Why? What is holding you back? "
Client: "I'm afraid to disturb her. And then, I don't know what to say to her »
Coach: "What's the worst that could happen when you call her? And if that happens, how will you react? "
Etc., etc…….
This session lasted an hour, during which I asked the client about her fears. I also asked her to put on the glasses of the professional who was going to answer her questions, so that she could see the world through her frame of reference. Little by little, she became aware of the rewarding aspect of being questioned by someone as an expert in her profession. Little by little she gained confidence. At the end of the session, we had written a telephone argument. Since then, this person has met professionals working in this new field, followed a short and specific training course in this new profession, and is currently setting up her own business. If I had told her that 6 sessions before, she would not have even continued and coaching would have seemed unachievable to her.
3. Shyness is marked by a strong tendency, in new situations, to avoid taking the initiative:
Taking an initiative is deciding. To decide is to make one choice, and to give up another. Shy people may have difficulty making decisions that would put them in the spotlight.
Because, good or bad, this decision would draw attention to them, and the way others perceive them scares people who are shy or not assertive. Coaching works on decisional incapacity and helps you move forward in this area using specific tools.
"The biggest difficulty in making decisions is making choices, because 'to decide is to give up'. Again, thanks to its tools, the coaching helped me understand the decision-making process and its components, the steps and the key questions to ask before making a decision. This work allowed me to develop an implementation strategy to achieve my goals ... Coaching allowed me to implement my biggest challenge: refocus on myself and regain self-confidence, set myself goals and stick to them. "
Shy people have a "relative desire to interact with those around them." This is why we must support them to renew the dialogue with "the others".
In this subject, it is essential to know how to differentiate Shyness / Fear and Social Phobia. Indeed, if it is a matter of social phobia, relationship coaching will quickly reach its limits. A person suffering from social phobia should consult a psychiatrist who specializes in this area. Coaching alone won't help him.
Regarding people with fear and / or shyness, we can support them by testing their level of fear of others, by accompanying them in certain self-affirmation exercises, by working on the triptych: ideal of the self / self esteem / self confidence. There are personal development courses which allows you to gain self-confidence through the techniques of the actor and the coach.
In summery: what exactly is shyness?
It manifests itself in different ways depending on the person (shying eyes, blushing, agitation, silence, stammering, tachycardia, palpitations, sweat, tremors, shortness of breath, numbness, muscle tension, fatigue, etc.)
It intervenes in situations of relationship to others, and is chronic.
Shy people fear that they will not be "validated" (or accepted) by others for who they are. They don't have a good self-image. They do not place a high value on themselves in the light of the ideal of themselves they have set for themselves (and which is often too ambitious or even unrealistic). This results in a feeling of low self-confidence.
Often we say of a person "they are shy, that's their nature", as if it could not change. Fortunately, it is not. Shy people can develop new behaviors in their relationships with others, in particular through relationship coaching .
Self-confidence coaching sessions, personal development training, and artistic coaching sessions are all necessary tools to overcome fear and shyness.
Anxiety or social phobia (commonly known as "sickly shyness") is not a matter of coaching, but of brief therapies and / or participation in talk groups, which are very effective in order not to fall into the wrong way. avoidance. The withdrawal into oneself is indeed a great danger inherent in social phobia, and can lead to real desocialization. People with social anxiety disorders, also known as social phobia, feel very uncomfortable, or even paralyzed, in social or work situations because they have an intense fear of being watched closely or being put on. in embarrassment. As a result, they either avoid social contact altogether, or they dread it.
Sandra F. Lakkis
Thursday, 28 January 2021
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